#yes i have internally acknowledged that this is the second ship that has canon heart stuff going on. anyway

[chitsangenthusiast]

izuku's heartbeat kink vs kacchan's scent kink fight fight fight

[unovasrage]

black2 dialogue analysis / p1

start > castelia sewers

ASPERTIA CITY

Hyu: Hey! You get a pokémon yet? There aren't any pokémon Trainers around here, and I'm getting bored! What's that? ... A person named Bianca is giving you a pokémon? Really?!" Vera: When you get a pokemon take really, really good care of it, okay?

[ Hyu turns and simply stares at his sister. ]

Hyu: ... ... yeah. Alright. Come on. There’s something I have to do. And to do that, I need someone I can trust besides my partner Pokémon. A person I can trust! That's right! I'm talking about you!

Hyu is absolutely 100% blaming himself for seeing that Vera seems to feel she’s at fault for letting Purrloin get captured / that she couldn’t “take care” of her pokemon. B2 breaking Hyu’s heart from the very start like nobody’s business.

Hyu: You’re really lucky to get a pokémon! Once you get a pokémon, you leave on a journey right away. When you do that, I’m gonna have you help me out!

I’ll come back to these mentions of Hyu having protag support him later

Hyu: Let’s see how good a trainer you are! I’ll use my pokémon that I raised from an egg!

Hyu you okay buddy you literally just got that like 13 seconds ago

Hyu, first non-KO hit: I won’t forget the pain you just put my partner through! Hyu, defeated: I couldn’t achieve victory for my partner ... I won’t let myself forget this frustration! Hyu, after defeat: I lost ... this is different than battling with wild pokémon! Well, whatever. I’m just happy to know you’re a trainer I can count on! Cool. I’m heading off first! Get stronger!

Hyu is a pokémon empath evidence no.1 / he literally feels some of what pokémon he’s bonded to experience in battle. I’ll get to this in a different hc dump / dialogue analysis further down the line. He doesn’t realize at this point, though, and his big dumdum energy exists / he thinks it’s completely normal for trainers to be able to feel what their pokémon feel ( physically ) + understand their pokémon’s emotions with pinpoint accuracy

That said, he’s also using this pain to fuel his anger / his anger to fuel his determination and will to destroy Plasma.

ASPERTIA CITY > HYU’S HOUSE

Hyu’s Dad: To be honest, I don’t want my son to go on a journey. I mean, his goal is ... ... but there is no parent who doesn’t wish for their child to grow.

Hyu’s Mom: If Hyu loses his way on the path, or in life really, please help him, won’t you? He’s the kind of person who, well, who lets rage build inside him.

Hyu’s dad appears to be a retired black belt based solely on his attire. I’ll hc this later.

Hyu’s parents are 100% in the loop and in the know of how revenge-driven and angry Hyu is no matter how much he may have thought he was / successfully bottling up his anger aside from immediately flaring at the mere mention of Plasma or the raid on Aspertia. His parents have tried to dissuade him from the goal he set for himself / what he’s sworn he’ll dedicate his life to, yet they’re willing to support him regardless of his steadfast determination because he’s their son.

His father, at least, hopes that maybe if Hyu is allowed to complete this goal he’s set for himself, he’ll finally be able to move on -- he’ll finally be able to “grow”.

Meanwhile his mother knows her son, sees how stuck on revenge he is by the negative emotions (exclusively) he associates with Plasma, and how much of himself he’s putting into his promise to Vera. She can see how much getting revenge has completely and utterly consumed him to the point she worries he won’t have a path in life after he accomplishes his goal.

Lo and behold it is already canon on this blog that he was, and still is, lost now that he has no driving force for a goal in his life. So, Hyu’s mom, you weren’t wrong.

What his mother’s dialogue also shows is how well protag knows Hyu’s parents know protag / how much they know protag is a friend to her son because she’s basically entrusting her son to a neighborhood kid since she’s not going on the pokemon journey. It also indicates that if there’s one person that would be able to help Hyu on the path of life, and get to him through his anger / guilt / grief, it’s protag. 

FLOCCESY RANCH

Ranch Owner: Eh Herdier doesn’t normally wander off like this ... I’m sure he’ll come back soon. I’m just a little worried. Hyu: You’re “a little worried”? Are you KIDDING me?! Your pokémon might be lost forever! Whatever! I’ll look!

[ Hyu stomps off to look for the Herdier. ]

Ranch Owner: Jeez...

Alright Hyu is hot from the start, and immediately starts seething from the get-go because the owner is merely shrugging off the situation, which he’s acknowledged is odd. Although in a calmer frame of mind Hyu can acknowledge the trust in his pokemon / confidence he has Herdier will return, the switch in Hyu’s brain thinking about Plasma has already been flipped and that sort of acknowledgement isn’t going to happen. Hyu speaks snappily at the owner ( a grown ass adult, making Hyu himself seem like an ill-mannered, poor-tempered kid who’s angry for no reason ) because he has no reservations about full on yelling at an adult even though he’s just a teenager, and this illustrates that.

Hyu, searching for Herdier: Still, pokémon don’t just wander off on their own. In a worst-case scenario, it might be involved in some trouble!

Angry as he is at the dope of the Ranch Owner, you bet your everything Hyu is stressing internally and vowing he’ll literally exhaust himself to find this Herdier so that another person doesn’t have to suffer the same pain Vera did.

( Herdier returned, Ranch Owner basically just says “Thanks” )

Hyu: You’re awfully calm about this! Your pokémon might have been gone for good! Take better care of it!

[ Hyu stomps off, having quite literally triggered by the entire situation, and practically shaking with simultaneous anger and relief. ]

Ranch Owner: Hmm ... I wonder if something happened to him?

You can bet your ass Hyu was actually cussing @ the Ranch Owner, though this is a children’s game so ofc no swearing was written out.

Unfortunately through the course of getting his anger verbalized at the Owner, protag had to stand there awkwardly like when you go over to a friend’s house as a kid and they get in trouble with their parent and get disciplined right in front of you / would also have a pit in their stomach because they know.

Also who the fuck just asks “I wonder if something happened to him?” publicly / out loud / loud enough for someone obviously a friend to hear? That’s the equivalent of asking someone to their face “what is wrong with you?” Super rude and ouch how dare you but also I hate to admit the Ranch Owner wasn’t on to something.

ROUTE 20

Nothing of import.

VIRBANK CITY

Hyu: Shut it! You guys are the worst! You talk about saving pokémon, but you're just pokémon thieves! Don't think I'll ever forgive you! I'll crush you and your new plans! I can never forgive Team Plasma! Hyu, after defeating Plasma: Tsk! What a bunch of creeps! Hyu, getting ready for Castelia: I’m going to look for Team Plasma! I can’t forgive those guys!

Hyu undoubtedly calls Grunts every insult under the sun that he can possibly think of and string into words. He knows mere grunts aren’t the ones he needs to exhaust his anger / energy on, but he makes sure they feel his hatred nonetheless in any way he can manage. He can at least discriminate, however slightly, between Grunts and the people truly responsible for he / his family’s grief.

CASTELIA CITY

Hyu: That's a strange ship. A sailing ship in this day and age?

Hyu baby your dumdum energy is showing. Though I suppose even noticing that is being more observant / demonstrating greater intelligence than many people give you credit for.

Hyu: Did you find Team Plasma?! (If No): Augh! Those dirty pokémon theives! (If Yes): Uh ... thanks ... but you don’t need to lie to me just so I won’t be disappointed!

Hyu is fairly quick to pick up on lies / shorts of truth, even if they’re said with a straight face. This doesn’t mean he’s a human lie detector but he’s usually pretty good at it.

CASTELIA SEWERS

Hyu: I need you to get tougher! Even I'm going to have trouble taking them on all by myself ... Anyway, it's okay! I'll take care of healing our pokémon! I'm counting on you! Are you ready to go?

( if talked to ... )

Hyu, 1x: I’m sorry I got you mixed up in this, but I can’t forgive Team Plasma!

Immediately blaming himself for yet another person even having to experience Plasma.

Hyu, 2x: So this is the sewer ... well, it’s not as stinky as I expected. Hyu, 3x: Still ... pokémon live everywhere, don’t they? Hyu, 4x: If you don’t get strong, you can’t protect the things that are important to you!

This is a first allusion to how Hyu views himself as weak / not strong enough ( aside from the statement admitting even he might have trouble alone ) to protect what’s important to him, spurred first by being unable to protect Vera, her Purrloin, and by extension his grandfather.

Hyu, 5x+: Don’t worry about me! Let’s hurry and find Team Plasma!

[ Hyu approaches Plasma ]

Hyu: Hey! Team Plasma! You villains! ( ... ) Liberate? Ha! You’re just ordinary pokémon thieves! And what’s more, you use those stolen pokémon like they’re tools! Let’s do this!

Hyu is so set on defeating Plasma alone. He repeatedly tells the protag, “I need to be strong(er)”, “I need you to be strong so you can support me”, “I need you to be strong so you can have my back”, “Back me up, (name)!”. He perceives defeating plasma as a “me” task rather than an “us” in perspective of he and his childhood friend on an adventure. Even though he’s relying on protag for support, he’s not putting their responsibilities re: Plasma on the same ground as his own perceived responsibility.

Also when you enter Castelia’s sewers you’ll notice Hyu is waiting inside. You can bet your ass that he charged inside alone / didn’t think twice about waiting for protag but when he got in there he realized he couldn’t see shit, so he waited. This is why he said the “Even I might have trouble” bit earlier... he left it vague and open-ended intentionally. Throughout their time in the sewers, Hyu kept very close to protag.

[fountainpenguin]

S and T for the ask

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

> Bittersweet endings. I don’t like completely perfect or completely depressing ends… I like little nibbles of both.

> Witty banter. Never get tired of it.

> I’m not normally one for AUs, but I love college AUs for worlds that don’t have a college equivalent. What do they study? I must know.

> Fleshing unliked/overlooked side character out with an interesting backstory and cool hobbies.

> We dislike each other but have to keep up appearances.

> Smooth, probably sexually experienced character is easily flustered.

> Alternatively: smooth character flirts with someone, takes it too far, and instantly backpedals while screaming internally.

> Sharing space on a road trip.

> Soft holiday stories! Especially fantasy holidays, because then I’m falling in love with the worldbuilding and pleased that the characters are happy.

> Blind dates.

> Tired but loving single parent who works very hard

> Two tired parents working very hard, so glad they’re in this together

> Someone falls in love with a single parent, asks their kid(s) permission to marry their parent, and lets kid help them pick out a ring and participate in wedding plans.

> HEALTHY!!! STEP-FAMILIES!!!

> Jerk messed with the wrong person and now they’re in for it… We don’t know when… but oh, they’re in for it.

> Petty villains (“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I call in an evil plan, and you send your B squad??? Frankly I’m a little insulted!” -Snaptrap)

> Petty heroes… Read: Randy Disher, a full-grown adult police lieutenant, getting his feelings hurt when the Captain says he’d save Monk, not him, if both were in the water because Monk can’t swim, and Randy persists by asking if his mind would change if Randy was holding an anchor and the Captain asks why he wouldn’t just let go of the anchor and Randy looks him in the eye and says “Family heirloom” and the Captain just >:|

> Gift giving is shown to be a valid form of affection and not played as a greedy, materialistic love language (Related: Character A buys cute little gifts for B sometimes and it doesn’t turn into a story about wasteful spending or needing to shower your partner in gifts or else they’ll freak out).

> Bed sharing / cuddles (As long as it doesn’t progress to sex… I have to be in the right mindset for that and 9.5 times out of 10 I’d rather have snuggles).

> Quick, casual, absentminded kisses. Convince me this character’s instinct is to express affection even when they’re distracted and you have me eating out of your hand.

> Kisses in awkward places… Up against walls, quickly stolen while the third wheel is out of the room, couple trying to hide even though their friends ship them and no one present will judge them for a kiss… Yes. The more uncomfortable the position or time, the better. Love that spontaneous cute.

> Fake dating and in the end they’re still good friends, no push into a romantic relationship just because they were in this situation together.

> Healthy mutual break-ups

> Asexual characters!!! I’m for any story that acknowledges people like me exist and are happy, whether it’s a story about discovery, the difficulties of being ace, or a story where the ace character is just at peace.

> People are close friends and not dating. Both are comfortable with their relationship and no one tries to make them feel bad.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

(Below the cut. Keep in mind these are my personal preferences and I’m not attacking anyone who likes tropes I dislike. This isn’t a comprehensive list, just some thoughts about tropes I don’t enjoy reading).

> Redemption through romantic love. So. Much.

> Everybody Lives AUs

> Soulmates

> Forbidden love

> Amnesia

> Coffee Shop AUs (I’m all for “In the future this character gets a job” stories, but I dislike “I’m going to flirt with this person while they’re in a position they can’t leave” stories)

> Psychic powers / Twins can read minds. It’s not an immediate deal-breaker, but my interest will drop sharply.

> Falling in love way too quickly / confusing infatuation with genuine love and the moral of the story is that you should risk your life plans and dive headfirst into relationships with people you don’t know well yet (I didn’t watch The Sun Is Also a Star, but the trailers pushed ALL my wrong buttons).

> Physical touch is the only or most important way to express affection. I’m all for love language miscommunication stories. I don’t like being told those who don’t express physical touch easily are frigid or uncaring.

> Big rescue scenes in romance (Ex: Hero carrying love interest from a burning building… I’d rather see hero helping love interest up a tough patch of the trail they’re hiking, or leaving a party to find their partner a dessert they’re not allergic to, something small and affectionate like that).

> Asexual invalidation/correction stories (Related: Virgin mockery). I don’t mind reading these if the main character is asexual and it’s a story about sexuality exploration or a character facing difficulties because they’re ace (That’s what Origin of the Pixies is, after all), but if the author legitimately believes asexuality needs to be fixed or that ace characters can’t be in fulfilling relationships, that’s what I don’t like.

> Canon: *Characters state they don’t want to be together romantically*  Fanfic: *Makes them romantic*  As a reader, I’m willing to let you take my hand if you show me careful thought processes and honest conversations while the characters work through changes together in early chapters, but if there’s absolutely no explanation (or indication that backstory will be given later) and the story just starts with them together for some reason… I won’t play along.

> When two people in canon are very close but not an official romantic couple and the only ‘fics about them are romantic. I don’t mind some stories being romantic, especially if they’re set in the future of canon, but if I can’t find more than a tiny handful of ‘fics that match their canon relationship, I get frustrated.

> Oh, here’s a trope I despise with the intensity of a thousand suns… Animals that are not dogs behaving like dogs (Ex: Maximus the horse in Tangled). Other animals are interesting too!

> I dislike a lot of angst tropes in general. I like psychological horror, like the slow recognition of your own sins (which is probably why I write villain backstories). A loved one dying in your arms, or trapped inside a burning house, does nothing to me. You could not get farther from affecting me if you tried. My heart will break if someone hesitates in an otherwise cheery story and the other person staggers back, realizing things aren’t as perfect as they thought. I live for moments where the bliss suddenly snaps and in an instant, everything’s changed. But deaths drawn out with gasps and bleeding, or houses going up in flames, don’t really land. Angst has to be fast and hard or I find it tedious.

> Developing a crush on someone before you even see or hear them interact. See also, liking someone you have no business liking when your people raised you to dislike theirs. How do you exist outside your culture? I want reasons.

> Using new pronouns for a character who hasn’t revealed their preferred pronouns to the narrator and/or a character outs someone by using new pronouns without ensuring they’re okay with that. I’m cool with long-established pronouns, but if some characters don’t know yet, they don’t know yet.

> I’m personally not a fan of self-insert stories, especially Self-Insert x Canon. Specifically, I dislike the trope that self-inserts will draw canon character attention and take the focus away from a canon character development story, which is what I prefer to read. Self-inserts who don’t disrupt the status quo are fine by me.

> I can accept OC x Canon if you don’t contradict canon, but the OC has to be well fleshed out with realistic flaws, and if the canon character is completely OOC, I’m backing out (It’s specifically Main Character OC x Canon that I don’t like- I’ll happily dive into “Failed relationships in canon character’s past involving OC exes because canon characters won’t work for this”).

> Timmy wakes up one day and realizes Tootie’s the girl for him. I need a looong slow burn to sell me on that one. I’m happy to see him recognize his own judgmental attitudes and accept her as a friend, but if it moves into romance while they’re still young, I’m out.

> Wanda being pregnant instead of Cosmo… I 100% forgive this for anything written before “Fairly Odd Baby,” but if Wanda’s the pregnant one then I immediately scroll up to check the upload date. If I can’t trust you with that piece of canon, what can I trust you with?

> Wanda confronts Cosmo and argues that he’s being mean to her. That’s a can of worms I’d rather skirt around.

> I’m all for Cosmo and Wanda having a second kid, but NOT while they’re still with Timmy.

> Abusive Juandissimo.

> I also don’t like fluff. I don’t deliberately avoid sweet, plotless stories, but I don’t seek them out. I lose interest in fluff more quickly than anything else.

… I’m realizing now that the reason I don’t like romantic stories is probably because most of them revolve around expressing affection the literal opposite way of how I prefer it (Ex: Way more stories about physical touch and making out until impulsive sex occurs, not enough quick kisses in passing or time spent existing quietly on the same couch enjoying your separate hobbies).

I don’t inherently hate romance, I just have different romantic preferences than the media that usually crosses my path. I’m more about companionate love than fiery passion. It’s hard to convey the comfortable silence I like in words.

Fanfic Ask Meme

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 6 - Meat Page 16

==>  (Whoa, went a long while before splitting posts, there.  Dangerous, with how often I’ve lost stuff to Tumblr page reloads in the past.)

Oh, you’ve realized Zazzerpan’s relevance as foreshadowing for the trolls or whatever, Rose?

Oh my god, PLEASE don’t put Rose inside a fucking robot.  >:|

Oh SHIT wait.  That one wizard Roxy named her cat after who wanted all the knowledge in the world, got overloaded and then crushed by the giant textbook or whatever???  That’s disturbingly Rose-similar here.  D:

Rose, puns.  Please.

Hm, you think it applies to you all now instead of the trolls?  Huh.  Do you think some of you might become villains and get Just deaths?

..Huh, wait.  Numerological significance?  Are we actually learning what 413 means?  Or learning that it was meant to be bullshit all along instead?  I’m “Hmmm”ing loudly either way...

Ow, ouch.  So a Light player wasn’t designed to properly live outside of canon significance, or??

Ooh.  She’s not sure that if she opens herself up to all the knowledge of her other selves, that it’d be “her” anymore.  A pretty legitimate fear... and one Dirk is perfectly disposed to disabuse her of.  As a Heart player, he’d understand better than most that the entire combination of one’s various states over all timelines IS you, and the unique direction your will and uniqueness embodies across whatever it touches.  Or something.

...Wait, wait a minute.  Before I keep reading........ I didn’t actually CLICK the candy button yet.  What if Candy just redirects to AO3 or something.  Like, the candy bit is all of our fanfics.  Oh jeez.

Okay reading on before that possibility drives me insane.

DIRK: I’m not sure anyone should be allowed to have that much foresight. Especially a guy like me.

...Mhmm, especially since in part that’s how we got Doc Scratch, yeah.

Reading to the end of this page, and........

Yeah, what the FUCK just happened.

So... is this Dirk BEING a villain?  Doing some sort of weird almost cherubic Eye thing to kind of supplant Rose as he becomes a Scratch-like fanfic narrator or... Let me reread these last few paragraphs a couple times...

Is he really sort of “puppeteering” Rose?  Is this like the birth of a god-tier villain or just a temporary respite he’s giving her sort of underhandedly for an actual good cause to help her out of her situation??  Or is “death” or a death of the self the actual solution he had for her mess???  I mean... the metatextual awareness bit that he’s speaking through in the last sentence is clearly something like what comes of ascending completely and going beyond the story to be able to write it like Caliborn or Doc Scratch might or... y’know what, fuck it.  I’ll understand it in later pages.  I have to keep reading if this is going to make sense to me.

This next button better not lead straight back to the fucking selection screen again.

==>

Oh shit, a giant Dirk section.  Only fitting that he might have been writing most of this all along possibly.

Undercurrent of narrative significance.  Oh shit.  Is he going to go off about Light, about the story parts not mattering?  Or that the fact that this IS a story and... from what I accidentally skimmed in sentences below before reading further, how we’re trapping them in a story by reading it or something???  Hence the idea that their existences are being “blighted” by the subtext of narrative significance, and would be better FREE of it?

Huh.  Is this really going to work?  As, like... a body slam of people who were too caught up in the forest of narrative purpose to see into the trees of the point he wanted to make with the finale?  It’s practically Andrew talking to the audience from within the story about their frustrations, heh.

Yeah, this whole rant is pretty awesome so far.  I forgot to mention it a few paragraphs ago, but when you look at the story list, the Epilogues are listed as “stories of dubious authenticity”, so is this whole thing like... how DIRK might have written the ending out?  Just to emphasize further that this whole thing is kind of pointless compared to the infinite possibility that was the reward for their escape from the confines of such story-stuff?

Cool.  Sounds like we’re seeing the “good end” that Dirk would have written for this story if he were to write one that still answers plotlike questions, or something similar to it.  That and/or he’s also engineering things in-canon -- or as “canon” as the victory planet is -- to follow all this for the end result he has in mind, and it comes across as practically Doc Scratch-y in the way it ties in metatextual awareness and stuff.  Either way, it DOES feel like Andrew might successfully be making his point.

==>

Pff.  This is going to be a bit interesting.  And, of course, unstuck-in-canon John can hear the narrator speaking.

And now John has ANOTHER story to get annoyed at the narrator of, heh.

The tooth is poisoned? Really? Did you just make that up or?

Okay, why suddenly the wallet, fanfic writer? Is he going to find touching pictures or just captchalogue the black hole?

This is all starting to feel a whole lot less serious, and I can’t help but figure that’s the intent.

==>

Pff, back to the B plot.  Yay Jade!  --Please don’t be metatextually aware like John and let’s get more actual story.

Phew, seems to be the case

...Is Karkat going to remake this post-scarcity society to be more Communist? Is that where we’re going here?

Alright, Roxy’s gonna be all voidy and Neutral and not want an impact on the election, from the sound of it?

GAAAHHH Jade is in love with all her friends and afraid of being alone.  AAAH FEELS

--Oh huh, so because Jane’s been in the distance putting on the Perfect act she thinks she has to pull, she’s gone down in her friends’ opinions even if that isn’t really her???  That’s pretty reassuring as an alternative, actually.  Leave it to Roxy to see everything crystal goddamn clear as usual.

Ooh, pronoun mishap.

Holy SHIT Roxy’s gonna go along with it.  That’s nonbinary-awesome!  And Dirk’s just fucking flabbergasted, I love it.

Pff, Dirk’s screwing it up outside too

yep, everyone ectobiologically had kids with everyone, really.

Oh, ow.  Something about the whole black hole green sun thing is fucking with her.  That, or, like...  Huh, might the whole metatextual ascension thing mean that she actually BECOMES that other Jade floating about for a hot minute, the one in the A-side plot??

==>

Ow this excellent narrative is pretty painful.  Like, empathetically inducing pain through really good description of pain and angst.  Ow.

Oh shit, alt!Calliope has a plan.  Maybe she’s able to use this black hole to re-begin Paradox Space and close the loop once everything’s absorbed or something, and needs a Jade’s help for it?

==>

Phew, some relative silliness with some of the others.  That vivid description of a Jade’s suffering was starting to give my stomach a cramp.  Actually, ANY vivid description of Jade’s suffering gives my stomach a cramp.  Or any allusion to it, even, heck even without WORDS.  I saw a Jadey song redux show up on my Youtube dashboard a few nights ago and had to turn it off after less than thirty seconds because I was about to throw up listening to the tune and staring at the image from my stomach clenching SO HARD.  I am WAY too attached to Jade in particular to tolerate her suffering without serious emotional feedback on my part.

Okay, breathe.  Breathe deeply, and keep reading...

....PFF, yes, Karkat.  Finally acknowledge it’s disgusting.  Birth is disgusting from any species really.

Yaaaay Kanaya! :)

Pfffff, Dave does record scratches with his hands mid-conversation like a fucking dab.  He would.

KANAYA: I Am Impressed That You Managed To Be Seen In Front Of That Many People Without Spontaneously Bursting Into Flames

I’m laughing

We internalize and project the quality in very different ways, however, which is why I’m going to win.

Win?!????

Win WHAT, the election???  Is that your only grand plan or... I mean fuck, way to be Doc-Scratch-like ominous!  Reading on...

...Yeah, Feferi was definitely a proto-Fascist too.  :)

Oh, huh. “Power Corrupts In Small Steps”... is this whole President thing going to be a big-ass metaphor for gaining your God powers without abusing them?? And pointing out that Jane is hella abusing her status in a way that COULD become villainous if it goes too far?  Victory is supposed to give you the ability to create a universe, but you’re not necessarily supposed to lord over it with an iron fist...

KARKAT: WHEN I HEAR ABOUT HOW HUMAN GRUBS CHEW THEIR WAY OUT OF THE FEMALE MATESPRIT’S ABDOMINAL HOLE BEFORE CONSUMING THE WOMB MEMBRANE IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT.

Pffffffff

KANAYA: He Is Beloved In The Troll Kingdom For His Perky Ass DAVE: seriously? KARKAT: I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT JUST ME! KANAYA: It Has Some Terrible Arcane Power KANAYA: I Have Never Seen Anything Like It

I am laughing out loud here

pff dave’s doubtlessly imagined this at least as much as the rest of us

YESSS make fun of ship names some more, especially the ship names I’m not a fan of even though I’m such a fan of the pairing :D

KANAYA: Im Going To Call My Wife And You Are Going To Stop Talking

Why do I love that sentence so much.  Is it just because it has the word wife in it.  Probably.

At the other side of the cavern, Dave and Karkat bicker about what their combo kids would look like, in the event that they decided to stop being such laughable wusses and began fornicating like two cartoon animals of different species who have given into their lust.

Pffff.  Yeah, Dirk would put it that way.

Pffffff.  Not as adept at handling all sides of the story at the same time as you were as part of Doc, eh?

==>

Reading reading reading... Oh, adorable, he tried to slip a fish pun into Meenah’s name but couldn’t think of one.

...Oh SHIT, is he going to give Meenah the ring of life she wanted??? :D

Oh pff, that works too.  :D

==>

Okay, time for maybe at least a SLIGHT explanation of whatever the FUCK Dirk might have or might not have done to Rose or something????

...Huh.  What exactly are you trying to “fix” about Kanaya and Rose’s relationship, Dirk?  Something that didn’t fix itself with just the two of them together?

I mean...... Rose’s substance abuse never fixed itself when it was just two of them together on the first-run meteor.  And she’s been taking pills and trying to stave off her destiny out of fear while her wife hasn’t really been digging into her insecurities... I mean maybe he has a point.

SHADOWS around her??????  D:

==>

Yeah yeah, John drifting.  I just remembered what one of those “server beacons” they were mentioning actually is, too, visually.  Knowing it had an escape route helped.

What are you even gonna do with the slippers, gift them to Terezi when she comes flying in?  (Also, right, just remembered he’s a Breath player so it’s only natural that he actually finds whatever there is to find “coincidentally” around here, like that wallet.)

Ooh, you REALLY were thinking about Terezi over the past years from the sound of it.  And here she is or whatever.  :)

1 C4N ST1LL TOUCH TYP3 1N H3R L33T SP34K W1THOUT 4NY 4SS1ST4NC3 3XC3PT C4PS LOCK ON 4FT3R 4LL TH3S3 Y34RS  >:]

==>

Okay okay okay wait.  Her shadow is talking??? Is this, like... Jungian shadow stuff? Inversion shadow stuff?  What the fuck is going on.  It better not be Inversion-related.

Let me read that again.

Her shadow has faded to light behind her, assuming the shape of a Rose-like apparition. I nod to her, and she continues. When she speaks, it’s almost as if it’s the apparition that’s doing the talking.

That’s weird and I don’t entirely know what it means. I’d better just keep fucking reading.

Fun philosophical banter.  I didn’t know what “Hegelian dialectics” were until I read some big rant on someone’s Fallout New Vegas playthrough earlier last month.

ROSE: I think free will is a thing, sure. DIRK: Are you sure about that? ROSE: ... DIRK: Haven’t we spent the entire day having a feelings jam on how none of us got here by accident?

Ah, here we’re going with some Ultimate Riddle-y stuff.

Or wait, are we adding a bit on to that concept now?  Because it now seems like a large PART of the Ultimate Riddle stuff I covered (FUCK dropbox for breaking all the images) that might be revealed in this part of the damn epilogue is the whole the-only-way-to-have-true-free-will-is-to-escape-the-narrative-imposed-on-us or something along with the rest of it.

Hm, that whole “become One God” bit that Dirk ranted about in the beginning of one of the John sections... is that his ambition here?  I didn’t comment on the rantparagraph earlier because the “one” part of it threw me as possibly just some philosophical stuff he was musing about, but it’s like... I mean Dirk is the narrator right now, and it sounds like he wants to *BE* the narrator.  Like, become the one truly in control of this whole story.  With his orange Andrew-colored text or whatever.  Is that what he meant by “win”, winning control of the entire narrative, turning everyone else in the story into mere extensions of himself that he was “writing” by virtue of being the only author?

And him getting thwarted in that task, showing that it’s better if there really is NO narrator and the characters can do whatever they imagine in infinite branches and our imaginations, is the victory that proves the point of the story.  Or something.  Hmm.

Also, huh.  Like... I mean that IS a natural extension of a Prince of Heart if he were to turn to villainy.  A grand ambition to destroy everyone’s individuality until they’re nothing but Himself.  Right?

DIRK: Your Ultimate Self, that which is revealed when the mind’s partitions are stripped away, and all potentiality of who you are and what you could have been flow together. DIRK: Those are the experiences and processes that are refusing to stay bundled, that’s what your body can’t endure. The unbundling itself is your mind coming apart. DIRK: Because you’re not as strong as me. Not yet. DIRK: But you can be. DIRK: I’m working on that.

Because she’ll “BE” you?  Because you’ll be everyone?  Hm.

DIRK: But for now, I’m focused on stabilizing you with my own expanding consciousness. DIRK: It’s enveloping you now, in a way you can’t see. Keeping your thoughts solid, your identity anchored to your physical form as it strains to hold itself together. DIRK: You can’t see it, what I’m talking about. But I can help you. DIRK: I can help you see what I see, if only for a little while. DIRK: All you have to do is open your eyes. DIRK: Maybe what you see will help you through this.

Okay so maybe this all ain’t TOTALLY fucking sinister.  Just partially.  Hmm.

I’m not going to describe what she sees. First of all, that would be spoiling it. Unless you already know, in which case, I guess what’s taking place here qualifies as something closer to dramatic irony. But if you really want to see it for yourself, stop what you’re doing, flip the whole thing over, and begin again. I’ll be right here when you get back, waiting. Trust me, no one’s going anywhere.

Hahahahah.  So the candy part IS written.  I mean I was pretty sure, but it’s nice to have it acknowledged here.  Pretty awesome.  I won’t stop here to read it, I’ll get to the candy part eventually as a nice dessert.

All she needs is a nudge in the right direction.

We’re family. We belong together. And after years of micromanaging the inconsistent and confused desires of total imbeciles, wouldn’t it be a relief to have someone by my side who understood me?

Stop being so incestuous.  Dirk, you’re just getting off on the CONCEPT of incest being part of the flavor of all this, aren’t you.  That’s why you kept pushing things this way, you want it to be as uncomfortable as possible.

...wait, yeah he’s just talking about being a metatextual ascended, isn’t he.

Her body should be dead now.

I’M SORRY WHAT THE FLYING FUCK.

And Rose has... what, ascended but somehow given in to Dirk’s puppeteering of existence, or?  Ugh.

Next post, I wanna keep reading already to get through all this bullshit.  Then once I’ve figured it all out, I can rest comfortably back with the Candy side which Rose practically just promised me is potentially TOO SUGARY which is really enticing as a prospect.

[moment-of-the-wolf]

Healing to the Hurt

“Isn’t there anything you can do Doctor? She’s my daughter!”

“Yes...There’s one last thing I can try...but you’re not going to like it...” 

Canon Divergence 1x13 - 2x1  Nine/Rose, shades of War Doctor/The Moment. Part one of The Space Between Stars, a series of long one shots

Jackie Tyler was Christmas shopping, Rose had disappeared with the TARDIS weeks ago with no word yet whether she had succeeded in saving the Doctor, but Jackie was looking for a present for her anyway. For them. If Rose succeeded, well, the Doctor got points for sending Rose back to her  to begin with. That was worth a Christmas present, even if it ended up just being a mug. 

What do you get an alien for Christmas? Did he even know what Christmas was?

Her mobile phone rang. Rose had insisted she let the Doctor tinker with it because he had upgraded her phone to be able to call her from across space and time, it would be much more convenient for Jackie to have her upgraded too so she could answer whenever Rose called. She still hated the thing, and couldn’t figure out her answering machine, but at times like this, when the screen read “Rose calling” Jackie was glad she had it.

She picked it up with a smile on her face, and tears threatening, “Well, it’s about time then, Mickey and I were just this close to making a wager about whether or not you made it.” The other end of the line was silent, and stayed silent for far too long, “Rose? Rose, are you alright, darling?”

Finally there was an answer, but it wasn’t Rose, Jackie’s heart froze when she heard the Doctor’s voice on the other line, “Help me.”

And just like that, no other words, the called ended. Jackie stood there in the middle of the street asking the Doctor to explain, even though she knew he wouldn’t answer. Then she heard it, that sound that his ship made. The sound had come to be one that made Jackie happy, it meant Rose was home. Now, with the Doctor’s cryptic call, she only felt dread as she dropped her bags and ran toward the sound.

As she turned the corner, Jackie saw that she wasn’t the only one drawn by the noise, Mickey Smith was running down the street opposite her. He had a smile on his face, excited to see Rose again- the look didn’t last when he saw the terrified expression on Jackie’s own face. The pair of them had become pretty close the last few weeks, she’d never been too fond of the boy, but in Rose’s absence Jackie had started to treat him more like a son.

“What’s going on?” Mickey asked as they approached the TARDIS together.

“I don’t know.” Jackie replied and banged on the door of the Blue Box, “Doctor? Doctor!? What’s happening? Where’s my Rose?”

It took a few minutes, but her question was answered when the TARDIS opened up and the Doctor came stumbling out, Rose dangling limp in his arms. The Doctor looked horrified and held her closer to him, “Help me get her to your flat!” He instructed, ���Quickly!”

“What happened?” Jackie gasped, “Oh! Rose, Rose! Wake up!”

The three of them made their way to Powell estate, the Doctor didn’t really need any help carrying Rose. Pretty much all he needed was for Jackie to unlock the door to the flat and let him in so that he could take Rose to her bed. On the way, the Doctor tried to explain. “She looked into the Time Vortex, no one is supposed to do that.”

“Looked into the what?” Jackie shook her head, “What does that mean?”

“It’s the heart of the TARDIS, all of time and space running through her head. That’s too much power, she should be dead.”

“She’s dead!?” Mickey gasped.

“No!” The Doctor corrected, “No, she’s alive, she let go of it before it burned through her but that’s the thing! She shouldn’t have been able to hold it as long as she did. It should have killed her!”

After he laid Rose on the bed, the Doctor took out that weird alien screw driver of his and flicked a switch to run it over Rose’s body. “No internal hemorrhaging. Cellular structure is intact. Pulse is good. No fever.” 

“What’s wrong with her, Doctor?” Jackie asked.

“I don’t know!” The Doctor blurted, “By all accounts she’s fine, perfect health, but she should be dead!” He ran his screwdriver over again, “If it were me I would be dead. No one is meant to see the Time Vortex, I have no idea why she’s like this, I have no idea why she’s still alive.”

But he was relieved she was, that was plain as day on the Doctor’s face.

Jackie helped get Rose settled in the bed, wrapping blankets around her and fluffing her pillow up. “It’s like she’s sleeping… or in a coma.” Jackie mused, “Maybe she’ll be waking up soon.” She dared to hope.

The Doctor pulled a chair up next to the bed, and brushed Rose’s hair away from her face. “Maybe…” He replied, but he didn’t sound confident.

“Shouldn’t we take her to a hospital, then?” Mickey suggested.

The Doctor never took his eyes off Rose, “No, cause they’ll want to know how she ended up like this, and I can’t even begin to tell them.” He replied, “And they can’t give her any proper care unless I can tell them exactly what’s wrong with her. Without that information, they may try some brain surgeries or medicine or whatever other primitive practices you’re still using in this century and probably make her condition worse.”

“Then what are we supposed to do?” Jackie demanded, “Just sit here and wait?”

“I don’t know!” The Doctor snapped, “Nothing like this has ever happened before!”

“Stop shouting!” Mickey ordered, “Both of you! Just…Just calm down.”

Jackie bristled, ready to give Mickey a good slap, but the Doctor said nothing and just reached to brush Rose’s hair again. He was plainly stressed from worrying about Rose. “I’m sorry.” Jackie said, and found her own chair. She watched her daughter’s chest rise and fall, “What exactly happened out there?” Jackie asked.

She barely knew how to work her mobile phone, she doubted she’d understand a word of the Doctor’s explanation, but Jackie needed to ask for Rose’s sake, and for the Doctor’s. Perhaps if he spoke out loud about it, he’d remember some detail he was overlooking while worried about Rose.

The Doctor was silent for a moment, “I don’t know how long Rose has been gone for you…” He said, “But it’s only been…less that fifteen minutes total since she arrived with the TARDIS.”

“It’s been weeks now.” Jackie informed him.

The Doctor nodded, “I wasn’t exactly putting in proper coordinates, as long as we arrived in a time I could get your help…” He trailed off and continued his explanation, “When you opened the heart of the TARDIS, Rose absorbed the Time Vortex, it’s a power source of sorts, encompassing all of time and space, by absorbing it Rose became…”

“Became what, Doctor?” Mickey asked.

“Bad Wolf…” He replied, and started to explain the mysterious and continuous appearance of the two words, as if following them across time and space, how neither he nor Rose had given it much thought until fairly recently.

That was the part the Jackie understood, but as the Doctor explainedsomething about Rose being part of something he called  a 'looped ontological Paradox', absorbing the Time Vortex and sending the words out herself, as a message to lead her back to the Doctor, she became confused. “But how could Rose have become this Bad Wolf and sent the words out so that she would look into the Time Vortex? What would have inspired her to look and put them out to begin with if not the words? There had to have been a first time.”

She expected the Doctor to get angry, or at least annoyed or maybe just laugh at the poor stupid apes that didn’t understand, but the Doctor simply looked at Rose. He had one hand to his face, knuckle brushing his lip as if he were going to gnaw on it, “No, there doesn’t.” He said calmly, “It’s a paradox, Jackie, a self contradicting impossibility. Not even the Gallifreyan High Council would be able to explain it.”

“Gallifreyan?” Mickey quirked an eyebrow.

Again the Doctor was silent for a moment, this time biting his lower lip and flexing his fingers, “Me" He clarified, “I’m Gallifreyan.” He didn’t seem to want to say anything more than that, however.

And both Jackie and Mickey were quickly out of questions. They sat in silence around Rose’s bed for a long time, with no change. Soon enough, however, the two humans remembered that the world still turned, even with Rose in the state she was in. Mickey needed to get back to his own flat, and Jackie had to go back to the street and see if her bags happened to be still there and undisturbed. 

She doubted it.

Mickey walked with her to pick them back up. They were moved, and she found only one item- a pocket watch- missing. It had been what she planned to give Rose, set to London’s time so that Rose would always remember that they were waiting for her back home. Jackie frowned, that was the most expensive thing she bought this year, and she wouldn’t be able to afford a replacement.

The two humans parted ways at the corner, “Call me if there’s any improvement.” Mickey said.

“I will.” Jackie promised, “I’ll call you immediately.”

Within a few minutes she was returning to her flat, Jackie found the Doctor exactly as she’d left him. Still watching over Rose with the same worried expression, knuckle still at his lips and his free hand twirling his screwdriver around like he was resisting the urge to scan Rose’s condition again. Jackie stood in the doorway for several minutes, but the Doctor never acknowledged her return.

She started to get hungry and began working on dinner. Jackie was not in the mood to cook so she put in a microwave dinner, and then as a added thought, heated up a second one for the Doctor. She still wasn’t sure what he ate, but surely he had to eat something. 

Finally she came back in and sat down at the chair she’d occupied earlier. The Doctor still hadn’t moved.He also still didn’t acknowledge her until Jackie spoke to get his attention. “I’ve heated up some dinner.” She announced.

It seemed to take the Doctor a minute to realize Jackie meant that she made some for him as well. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rose, “No, thank you.” He said simply.

“Come on, now, Doctor.” Jackie told him, “It won’t do Rose any good if you don’t take care of yourself while waiting for her to get better.”

“I’m fine.” He replied quietly, “I’m not human, Jackie. I don’t need to eat, or sleep. Not as often as you lot, at least.”

“Doctor.” Jackie said, a little more sternly, “I’ve heated up some dinner. Would you please eat it?”

More than anything, Jackie just wanted the Doctor out of Rose’s room. The waiting was making her nervous, like watching a pot boil, maybe Rose would recover when they weren’t looking. It was probably just a silly human superstition, but it would put Jackie at ease if she didn’t have to see that look on the Doctor’s face, just a few minutes of distraction.

The Doctor seemed to acknowledge this and finally nodded his head. “Alright.” He said and stood up, but not without brushing Rose’s face again. There was no hair to be brushed out of the way, but the Doctor was quick to say “Still no fever.” As if that were some kind of cover, he wasn’t touching her long enough to notice if there was a fever.

That was an affectionate stroke.

Jackie led the Doctor out and turned on the telly to watch a little crime mystery while they ate. The Doctor figured out the killer long before the show was over, and barely touched the mashed potatoes and beef until Jackie reminded him she wanted him to eat. “So..” Jackie said, “You said that if it’d been you that absorbed that Vortex thing, you’d be dead?” 

She was still hoping that if they talked about what happened to Rose, the Doctor would have some kind of epiphany about her condition. The Doctor nodded, “The Time Vortex is unlimited power, having it in your head gives you the that same unlimited power, but only for a few minutes, then it’ll burn you up. Not even a Time Lord can resist it.”

That was only a little different than what he’d told her before, Jackie tried to press for more information- anything that could help her daughter, “So it’s happened before? You’ve seen it?”

“Not personally, but I’ve heard of it. They used to say that a Time Lord that looked into the Time Vortex would momentarily become a vengeful God, with power over time and space until it destroyed them within minutes.”

“Why?” Jackie asked, “Why is it so deadly?”

“It just too much power, even for us.” The Doctor explained, “If Rose hadn’t let go of it when she did it would have caused every cell in her body to die, like radiation poisoning. I’ve been monitoring her condition and her body is fine… That means that her mind is probably what’s in trouble.”

He started to sit up straighter, Jackie did the same as she realized that talking about it was working, the Doctor was starting to figure it out. “What about her mind?” She asked.

“Since it didn’t kill her, all of time and space running through her head, Rose’s mind is simply be lost within herself.” He started to smile, relaxing slightly as he concluded. His expression dropped again, “But I don’t know how long it will take her to find her way back. And she’s human so her body won’t last long without her mind functioning right.”

His eyes darted back to Rose’s bedroom, and his mouth twitched. Clearly he had an idea, but was now hesitating for some reason. Jackie reached over and touched his arm, ““Isn’t there anything you can do Doctor?” She begged, Rose’s life was at stake, surely this alien with his superior knowledge and technology had some way to help. “She’s my daughter!”

“Yes… There’s one last thing I can try ” The Doctor replied slowly, “…but you’re not going to like it…” 

Jackie’s stomach flipped with dread, but she squeezed his arm. If it brought Rose back to her, she thought she’d let the Doctor do anything, but his comment unnerved her. “What is it?”

“Gallifreyans were a telepathic species.” He explained, “When something like this happened all we’d need to do is enter a shared dream state and lead the lost one out.”

“But…?” Jackie felt her stomach knotting even tighter.

“But humans aren’t telepathic.” Jackie wanted to hit him for giving her false hope when he continued, “There’s only one way for me and Rose to establish a shared dream state.”

“Do it.” She told him, standing up, ready to make whatever preparations he needed..

“You don’t even know what I need to do.” 

Jackie through her hands in the air, “For god’s sake, Doctor! What is it? What’s so dangerous!?”

The Doctor frowned, “Well, for starters, I could end up lost in Rose’s mind too and we’d both be trapped there. But that’s not the part you’re not going to like.” He said, and took a deep breath, steadying himself for whatever he was about to tell her, “For a telepath and a non telepath to enter a shared dream state we need skin-to-skin contact…the more the better.”

Jackie stared at him with her jaw dropped for a moment, waiting for him to say he was just pulling her leg. When he didn’t, she started to get angry. “You…” She started to growl, “You want to sleep… with my daughter…naked?”

“Jackie Tyler.” The Doctor stood up, “Your daughter is the way she is now because she crossed time and space doing the impossible to save me. If there were any other way to help her, I would have done it already.”

She wanted to slap him so hard he was sent back in time- or forward in time- or whatever. She very nearly did, but Jackie also didn’t doubt him, if there was any other way to save Rose, this man would do it in a heartbeat. It still bothered her that he didn’t object to wanting to. 

Jackie had one last question for the Doctor and she supposed when the measures were this kind of desperate, it was the only question that mattered. "Do you love her?" She asked.

The Doctor was startled by the question and he swallowed nervously, as if he feared there was no correct answer to that question. In a way there wasn't, Jackie was sure to have his head if he said yes, and to hound him about 'why not?' until he couldn't take it any more. The best way to answer was with the truth, "'Til the end of time." Technically this was a yes, but it remained vague enough to pass under her radar, as he could always say he meant it platonically.

They both knew it was romantically.

“Do it. Before I change my mind.” She relented, though her tongue felt like lead as she did.

He stood there a moment longer in silence before he nodded again, “Just…Make sure we’re not disrupted,” He said, “Shared dream states are fragile enough between two Gallifreyans.”

And with that he was off to Rose’s room. Jackie felt sick to her stomach, and against her better judgement started after him. “I’m warning you, though Doctor, any unnecessary touching and I’ll take those hands off of you.”

The Doctor pulled the blankets away from Rose, “If it makes you feel any better, Jackie, we don’t need to be naked,” He said, as he started to shrug off his jacket, “I said the more skin contact the better, but if you’d be more comfortable-”

“For god’s sake, just get you both under the covers and get this over with!” Jackie hissed and helped pull Rose’s clothes off, making herself feel even more sick as her daughter laid unconscious in her naught but her knickers while the Doctor pulled the blankets over them before taking off the rest of his clothes. Was he even wearing drawers?

After that came the uncomfortable manner of positioning so that they had the most skin contact possible. Jackie wasn’t sure if she was more uncomfortable watching or if the Doctor was more uncomfortable being watched. Finally after a few minutes of shifting, turning and curling their arms together the Doctor was resting on his back with Rose sprawled half on him with her arms draped over his chest and his around her. Jackie couldn’t be sure with the blankets over them, but she was sure the Doctor had their legs entwined too. Again, was he wearing drawers?

“How long does it take for you to fall asleep?” Jackie asked, trying to take her mind off their state of undress and focus on this shared dream solution. It wasn’t working. 

“Quicker if you don’t talk.” The Doctor replied and shut his eyes, “Now remember, don’t let anyone or anything interrupt, I don’t know how long this will take…”

He didn’t speak again, Jackie stood over them getting more and more uncomfortable as she looked on. The longer she was there the more she wasn’t sure she believed the Doctor’s telepathy story or if this was just some ploy to touch Rose. Jackie shivered and forced herself out of the room, and shut the door as quietly as possible. For Rose’s sake she had to trust him…For Rose’s sake…

The Doctor relaxed immensely once Jackie left the room. It was hard to fall asleep when he was wondering if Rose’s mother was really going to let him do this or if she was going to smother him while his guard was down. The worry remained, even when the door closed, but at least she wasn’t an immediate threat. That and it felt way less creepy when he wasn’t being watched.

After that it didn’t take long at all for him to begin drifting off. He’d told the truth earlier, that his species didn’t need to eat or sleep as often as humans did, and while he could still go several more days, maybe a full week before he needed to sleep  the Doctor could use a little time to recharge.

The dream started like he was walking. Walking through the Time Vortex instead of flying the TARDIS. The edges of his vision were black, not quite fully asleep yet, but he risked calling out, Gallifreyans had excellent mental control, he doubted he’d accidentally wake himself up. “Rose? Rose? Where are you?”

A loud shout in the dream world was nothing more than a breathy whisper in the waking world. And if Jackie were still in the room to hear, it would have been several agonizingly long seconds before there was a soft reply “I’m here.”

Back in the dream, those long seconds passed much quicker. No sooner than he had called out, the Doctor heard Rose’s voice, right in his ear as if she were standing right next to him. Before he could turn to look, however, the Doctor found himself falling through the Vortex, out of it, passed stars and planets. Light above him started to vanish as he slipped further and further into oblivion.

Blackness.

A soft sound beckoned him back, like the winding of a clock. He opened his eyes, not to Rose’s bedroom, but to a more familiar sight. The Doctor’s hearts ached to recognize the tattered ruined barn that had once been his childhood home. Funny, nine hundred years old and the sight of this place still stirred a such a boyish joy in him, even when he felt like it had been so much longer since he’d been a child.

And that, was largely due to the Time War…

The joy of seeing this old barn drained out of the Doctor when he realized that the barn was not truly the place of his childhood, but rather a more recent memory. A terrible memory. This was the place…and the time…

The soft whirring sound hit his ears again, this time a voice accompanied it, “This is where you did it.”

The Doctor twisted around and saw her. Rose was there, thank goodness he didn’t have to dive too deep into dreams to find her. Yet, even the joy of finding her so quickly was snuffed out when he saw how she was seated, back straight, legs apart and elbows on her knees, on top of a small box decorated with Circular Galifreyan warnings.

He knew that box far too well.

Immediately the Doctor was on his feet, rushing to pull Rose away from it, “Don’t sit on that!” He gasped, as he yanked her to her feet and stared at the box in horror.

“Why not?” Rose asked.

He pulled her closer to him as if to protect her from it, “Because it’s not a chair! It’s the most dangerous weapon in the universe.” He might have elaborated, Rose had a certain charm about her that loosened his tongue about his dark secrets when they were in the right time and place.

But an odd sense of Deja Vu suddenly had him blinking. Wait…why did this feel so familiar? Not the barn, and not the weapon, but that exchange. He turned to Rose in confusion, and noticed something was very odd about her as well. 

“Why can’t it be both?” She asked. It was very definitely Rose he was talking to, he knew those eyes, he knew those lips, but there was something about her that was very definitely different. She looked older, not Jackie’s age by any means, but older than nineteen, that was for certain.

Golden light flashed in her eyes, and the Doctor knew what he was looking at. She'd called herself the Bad Wolf when she absorbed the Time Vortex, but the entity Rose had become was a young one, an inexperienced one that had accidentally made her friend into an immortal fixed point when bringing him back to life. Here she was again; the Bad Wolf, thorugh only a few hours of sleep, now fully matured into one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Did she still have a piece of the Time Vortex in her mind?

Instead of answering her question about the box, the Doctor shook his head, “I came to get you.” he told her.

“I know. I’ve been waiting for you.” She replied, “I want to show you something.” The Doctor started to object, wanting to take her back to the real world immediately, but she pressed a finger to his lips and her eyes flashed with gold again.

Rose pulled away from him, opened the barn door with a mere glance, and beyond it was not the wastes of a war torn Gallifrey as the Doctor expected, but a thick blackness that Rose stepped into with no fear. He approached the doorway after her, Rose had vanished into the depths of the nothingness beyond, deeper into dreams, invisible beyond it. Curiosly he reached forward, and that was when he noticed that he was no longer the Doctor that he thought he was. 

He knew this hand, this had had belong to him, the Regeneration previous to this one. He found himself shuttering, he tried so hard not to think of this man as the Doctor, it was a coping mechanism he hoped one day he would be recovered enough to stop using, but for now it made the pain just bearable to distance this form from his identity as the Doctor. How long had he been like this? He was certain that he had been in the incarnation Rose knew when they spoke, she wouldn't have recognized him otherwise...

Of course, with the power of the Vortex that was still in her head, it was possible that she knew more than she let on. Far more.

He put his hand into the blackness beyond the barn, there was an odd sensation of touching something that was somewhere between a solid and a liquid. Like sticking his hand in pudding, the Doctor noticed how the blackness ate all visibility and stuck his arm further in. Rose had gone in, he had to go after her.

He stepped through, a chill went through him with every step. Odd, from the outside the blackness seemed to be complete, taking all of him into it's depths, but inside it, he could see himself perfectly. And Rose too. She was waiting for him on the otherside, both of them perfectly visible in the black.

"What is this place?" The Doctor asked, his voice carried around them, but he heard no echo.

"This is the universe." Rose replied, "Or at least it's what would be left if you hadn't ended the Time War."

She reached up and stroked his face, a sorrowful look graced her features. The Doctor felt his knees weaken at her touch. He felt as empty as the space around him, "Why show me this?"

She didn't answer, her eyes flashed again and dots of light started to fill the blackness around them. He saw the outlines of shapes around them, and soon they were standing on a beach together. The scent of salt air stung his nostrils. It was an Earth beach, he was certain of that, but the night sky above them was not Earth's. He knew those constellations better than any across time and space. That was Gallifrey's sky.

The Doctor was puzzled, but the question on his tongue was silenced by the arrival of Rose's lips against his. He whimpered into the kiss, realizing for the first time just how much he needed it. The Time Lord had long been aware of his growing feeling for Rose, but had always kept them back. He knew in the end that Rose would only be part of his life for a brief span of it, either she'd leave on her own terms, be killed on their adventures, or worse grow old and expire before his eyes. Those thoughts of losing Rose had always kept him at bay, thinking that if he didn't allow himself to get too attached, then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when she was gone.

But now...

Rose kissed him and he couldn't contain those feelings any more. He returned the kiss with a feverish passion that blew like a storm. He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her closer to him, breaking the kiss only to suck in a quick breath and kiss her again. He only broke away when he realized his form was still that of the age Warrior who had killed so many.

The universe was worth it, he had known that when he used the Moment, and he was willing to pay the price of survivial...Or at least that was what he told himself. The Doctor began to weep, "I killed them all, Rose...They're gone..."

"I know." She said, and kissed his cheek, "I know."

"I don't want to loose you too." Tears were freely falling from his eyes now, he felt a stinging sensation across his skin, through blurry eye he recognized the glow of regeneration- or degeneration, perhaps, as the Doctor found he was back to his eighth incarnation now.  This body had a lot of fond memories from before the war, yet now he looked at his hands as if they belonged to a traitor. This was the man who had given up being a doctor to be a warrior and he couldn't quite bring himself to...well, forgive himself for that choice.  Yet at the same time he couldn't blame himself, either.

She was right to show him the empty universe, the non existance that would have been. In his hearts he always knew that he'd done the right thing, all of creation was worth more than his people, and certainly worth more than the Daleks.

"That's not why I showed it to you, Doctor." She said, taking him by surprise. Rose didn't bother with an explaination, hell, with the power she had, the Doctor shouldn't be surprised that the Bad Wolf could read his mind. "Look around you."

They had changed places again, the sky above them was Earth's now, but they weren't on a beach anymore. They weren't even on the planet. He recognized this place, it was Satalite Five, only now things seemed to be right. He could see it, this was the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire as it should have been.

"Time is always in a state of flux." Rose whispered, "You taught me that. Second by second someone somewhere does something that changes the world, that changes history, and all of time and space. It's happening now, here with you and me."

The Doctor could see that too. Timelines swirled in his head, he saw time spliting up like the atoms of the Daleks that the Bad Wolf destroyed. In one universe, she arrived too late, the Doctor was dead and while she had enough time to wipe out the Daleks she could not release the power in time and burned. In another she saved his life, but at the cost of hers. Similarily, the Doctor saved her with a kiss to remove the Time Vortex, but the act of doing so cost him this regeneration. The Doctor almost longed to be in that universe, he could feel that Doctor's feelings, so sad to be going so soon, but also swelling with joy because he knew that Rose would live and Regenerated to his next form with a smile on his face.

Fantastic.

Fresh tears dripped down his face.

"These are just dreams." He said, "We can go back and see days long passed, but once we do we can't go back to them again. What we see and what we do, that's it, unless we want the Reapers to come back."

"Maybe that's true." Rose replied, "And maybe it isn't. Who says that our reality is the only one that matters?"

The Doctor reached up to brush his hair back, only to find the familiar feel of the buzzcut from his Ninth incarnation as the Doctor. The timelines swirled in his vision, showing him more images of things that might have been. Rose saving her father, but destorying the universe. Jamie infecting all of humanity with his nanogenes while looking for his mother. Gwenyth being too afraid to help the Gelf and joining them on the TARDIS instead.

"There's so many."

The Doctor wasn't even sure if it was Rose or himself that had spoken.

"And only one where we remain together." Rose said, her eyes were flashing gold again, "And every second we get further and further from that future." Now she was the one that was crying, but it wasn't a desperate sob. She had a smile on her face too, like she was witnessing a miracle.

He knew what she meant, he'd caught a glimpse of this future himself a few times while reading the time lines. All the things that had to happen, and to not happen to ensure they stayed together forever was near impossible, even for a Time Lord, there were too many things that they couldn't control. The choice to turn right instead of left could lead Rose into the jaws of a monster, an manufactoring error on a year old vehicle meant that the breaks wouldn't work when a random motorist tried to stop as Jackie crossed the street, killing Rose before she was even born, a fearless captain drives his ship into a meteor to stop it from destroying the Earth, but the debris from the accident still wipe out a massive percent of the population.

"Does it drive you mad?"

"Yes, it does."

They were kissing again, this time they were naked together on Rose's pink bed from the Tyler flat on Powell Estate. No, they weren't awake yet, the Doctor knew their undergarments had been left on for decency's sake, but more imporantly, the bed was Rose's but the room around them wasn't a room. It was his barn on Gallifry again.

Her power was incredible.

"Have you figured it out yet, Doctor?" Rose asked, a tiny half smile played at the corner of her mouth.

He nodded and kissed her neck, "The reason you survived absorbing the Time Vortex is because you've never been quite human. At least not human as I understand them to be. You've always been a self created paradox, you willed yourself into being so that one day you would create yourself, the first and only one of your kind."

"Something like that." Rose replied, that half smile grew into a playful smirk. There were deeper mechniacs at work than even the Doctor could comprehend, but if Rose understood the nature of her own existence then perhaps he need not even worry about trying to understand himself.

The Bad Wolf, Rose Tyler, both were one and the same.

"I have other names, too." She added, "And you already know one of them."

The Doctor swallowed hard, this was the part that was most difficult for him to face but part of him had known as soon as he saw her in the barn the first time, "You're the Moment." The Doctor said, "The weapon that I used to destory Gallifrey. I remember you now, at least, flashes of you." He wondered why  he didn't remember her in full. Rose was quick to answer this unasked question

"I've sealed off your memories." She said and looked away sadly, "I want you to remember, I do. I hate seeing you suffer this way, but you were right, if the Time War had gone on the whole of creation would have been at stake."

The Doctor's hands started to tremble, he felt like a monster, he wiped out two species- his own people to end a war and even used a woman he didn't even know he loved to do it. He felt like he had violated Rose somehow, even if he hadn't known who she was...But at the same time, something didn't make sense, well even less sense than a paradox that existed in all time and all space.

The first time he had seen Rose Tyler, not even knowing who she was, he'd felt insinctively drawn to her, almost like he had known her for years. If it were true that she was the Moment, wouldn't and imprinted memories of her have left him feeling terrible for all the things he had done, shouldn't he have been repulsed by her?

Suddenly the Doctor felt her hands enfold over his, cupping them in her gentle touch. "I told you. I sealed off those memories. I didn't tell you why." She smiled at him and craned her neck to kiss his cheek, "That was the day it was impossible to get it right, and there's no shame in that. But what is a paradox, but a way to make the impossible possible?"

"What do you mean?" 

She was biting her lower lip, and pulled his hands up to her breast so he could feel her heart beating beneath the skin. For a brief second, he fooled himself into thinking she had two hearts, but was quick to correct himself, it was still a single heart but it beat twice as fast as a normal human's. A different sort of alien.

"Time is in flux. Nothing is what even you think it is." She answered, "And when you're ready to see what really happened that day, I will show you."

"Rose?"

He blinked, the barn was back to normalm the bed was gone, and both of them were clothed. Rose sat on the Moment.

This dream was bouncing around like crazy, the Doctor inwardly scolded himself. They needed to get out of here and back to the real world or Jackie would never let him live it down. Rose shifted her seat, and the box beneath her groaned with the clockwork inside it. The most deadly weapon in the universe, and also the woman he cared about most.

"I'm ready to go home now." Rose announced, "Are you, Doctor?"

She must already know the answer, but he held his hand out inviting her to stand and take it, "Come with me." He whispered.

Rose's delicate hand slipped into his, he hadn't even see her stand up and cross the barn, she was simply there, taking his hand. "What a pair we make." Rose mused, entwining her fingers into his long calloused ones. "One paradox is odd enough, but two...My, how the universe likes to throw the oddities at each other."

He quirked an eybrow, "Two?" he repeated.

She squeezed his hand, "A great man from another world who was inspired by the best of humanity." Rose replied, "But who inspired the best of humanity, eh, Doctor?"

In a flash he was opening his eyes. The Doctor blinked a few times, waiting to see if the scenery around him changed to reveal they were still in the dream. The sun had risen, they must have slept through the whole night. Rose looked back at him from across the pillow, aged back to her normal nineteen year old self. A slight glimmer in her eyes was the only indication that anything was out of the ordinary. Well, that and the fact that their largely naked bodies were entwined together with Jackie moving around in the other room.

The events of the dream were fading from the Doctor's mind, whether because of the usual failure to remember dreams or because Rose was once again sealing away his memories of the encounter. He found himself unable to keep from smiling. His Rose was safe, was there any better reason to smile?

"So what happens now?" He asked, it felt a little odd to be the one that asked, but it was up to her, really. It always was. "Rose Tyler I-"

She raised a finger to his lips, smiling back at him, "It doesn't need saying." She told him, winking like she'd made a joke he didn't get. She shifted her postion on the bed, crawling further on top of him, "I'm part of the Time Vortex. Always was. Always will be. Like Gwenyth and the Rift in 1969. What happens now is that we go on. Do as you always do, be a Doctor and touch your healing to the hurt."

Rose's hand lifted from his chest to stroke his face, "I cannot keep my power confined to one body, that would rip it apart so I splintered it across time and space. Pieces of me are scattered everywhere, some in places you know, places you've yet to know and places you will never reach." She explained to him, "But remember, even if we are divided by whatever reality throws at us, that I will be there for you when you need me, even if you don't know it's me."

"Like the Moment?" The Doctor asked.

She nodded, "And in small things you wouldn't think twice about, but all the same they give you hope."

The Doctor swallowed hard, he appreciated the gesture, more than Rose would ever know (Or perhaps she would, with her power anything was possible) but he did not want to think he'd ever need them. He never wanted to think about life without her by his side. Losing companions was nothing new, but Rose wasn't just any companion.

There was a slim chance, out of countless possibilites and endless chains pulling them through time, there was a single line that kept them together. The Doctor would do whatever he could to stay on that line.

"I suppose we should get dressed and tell your mum you're safe." The Doctor said, starting to pull the blankets off to do that. He got as far as sitting upright when Rose lifted her head and kissed him, which froze the Time Lord in place. He remembered they'd kissed in their shared dream state, it had brought him to tears because he wanted it so much, needed her so much. It was different here in the waking world.

It was better.

If he could spend his life in one moment for all eternity, it would be this one. Rose's lips were soft and sweet from chapstick, the taste of her mouth had a slight saltiness to it, lingering flavor from chips, no doubt. And so human, so very human. None of that poetic nonsense about tasting like stardust and fire. Just a normal, human girl, nineteen years old and in love. The most wonderful thing in the universe.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer for a brief moment, she pushed him back, kissing him deeper. The move was a mistake, as the Doctor, focusing all his attention on her, lost his balance and fell back against the bed frame. The fall broke their contact as he hit his head on the frame and uttered a small shout of surprise that did not go unnoticed by Jackie.

Rose had just climbed off him and the Doctor regained his senses enough to be rubbing the back of his head when the door burst open. "Is everything alright Doctor? Did you manage t-" She stopped midsentance when she saw her daughter sitting upright in her sheets, grabbing her shirt from the  foot of the bed. "It worked!" She gasped, tears threatening.

Rose smiled, "It worked." She assured her mother and quickly slid her shirt back on while the Doctor flung himself off the bed to redress himself. To Jackie's relief, he was in fact wearing drawers and put his clothes on as quickly as possible, while Jackie took his place on the bed, hugging her daughter tightly.

"Oh my god sweetheart! I was terrified when that box disappeared! I thought I was never going to see you again!" Jackie sobbed. Rose patted her mother's back assuring her that she was alright, "And when the Doctor brought you back the way he did! I've never been so scared in my life!"

"It's alright mum. I'm alright. I'm always going to be alright." She said, and over Jackie's shoulder she looked to the Doctor, a wolfish smile on her face. Gold light flashed in her eyes for a second. The Doctor's smile faltered a little bit. Rose had said the power of the Bad Wolf was too much to contain in a single living body, but it hadn't occured to him that she would still have it when they were out of the dream. How much power had she kept for this body?

His smile brightened again when he realized he really didn't care. Rose was alive, and safe, and the rest of that could wait.

"I was just getting started on breakfast. " Jackie said, "It'd be no trouble at all to add a few more eggs and bacon to the pan. You hungry, sweetheart?"

"Very." Rose answered. "Let me get dressed, I'll help."

"Oh...Well, I suppose I should say, no you need to rest, but you two have been out for three days. Any more rest and you might not wake up at all." Jackie informed them, and turned to the Doctor, "How 'bout you? You joining us?"

"Sure, why not? I'm sure one breakfast with Jackie Tyler won't end the universe." The Doctor surprised himself with how much he wasn't objecting to the idea of staying for breakfast. Lord knew he wasn't getting involved with domestics, but right now he didn't want to be away from Rose and if Rose was having breakfast with Jackie he certainly could put up with that for a while. "What do you mean three days...?"

[ladykeane]

For those wondering why ‘Sherlock’ fans are so angry

Just a preface: I have no desire to attack Mofftiss personally. I have no desire to endanger their safety or wellbeing. My own anger is directly focused on their storytelling choices, their response to the core fandom and their franky baffling attitude. From what I’ve seen, while there is a lot of anger in the community, even those who are harrassing them on Twitter are them strictly addressing the show alone. As far as I know no-one has threatened them personally. Moffat deleted his Twitter, Gatiss has the right to do the same if he doesn’t like the criticism.

* The pain of the last few weeks could have been eased had Mofftiss acknowledged what they have been doing all along. ‘Yes, we have been playing with homoeroticism. Yes, Sherlock and John’s bond is passionate and strong and it is entirely understandable and justifiable for the audience to see something romantic between them. We just decided not to follow through with that in the end.’ Instead we get outright denial about things that are right in front of our faces. Furthermore we are insulted and accused of stupidity and vulgairty for even WANTING to see a romantic relationship between Holmes and Watson, as if it’s some kind of crime. Why are they behaving like this? I can’t accept this because WE HAVE RECEIPTS. In an older interview, Gatiss clearly and unambiguously stated that they were ‘playing with homoeroticism’ in the show.

* Queer subtext is laughed at by the majority of people, as if it’s something nonexistent, as if there can only be explicit homosexuality or none at all, no nuanced narratives. Queerness in movies and TV has existed in code for almost the entire history of the screen, initially because of homophobic laws and lately because of mainstream heterosexual audiences’ general reluctance to engage with stories in which LGBT+ characters are the protagonists or main romantic couples. When a man is heartbroken at another man’s wedding, later restarts that broken heart because said man is in danger, turns down sex with multiple beautiful women, and ends up living with this man as they raise a child together, no-one can tell me that such a narrative is not intensely queer coded and still have my respect. Jeez, you don’t even have to be LGBT+ to see it. It’s doubly maddening that Mofftiss so frequently fawned all over ‘The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes’. They even had Wiggins reference the ‘glass of tea’ line in TLD. How can Mofftiss, ESPECIALLY Mark, be such a fan of this film and NOT understand where this outrage is coming from?

* A lot of people are dismissing us as whiny yaoi fangirls who didn’t get their wank material gratified. Admittedly I am a woman attracted to men who has shipped mlm couples in the past. That is not why I got behind Johnlock or TJLC. Other mlm couples I have shipped have purely been fun and whimsy, nothing that serious, and never have I expected them to become canon purely for my gratification. How could I ask such a thing from the writers? (and while we’re at it, I’m not interested in fetishising mlm, and I don’t care for the infantilist attitude of ‘fangirls’ who do. I’m interested in characters who adore each other and are appropriately suited to romantic relationships that defy old fashioned patriarchal values. My favourite mlm couples are not ‘bishies that i sin with lololol uwu’, to me they are interesting characters, people, whose happiness is found in dynamic and narratively worthwhile love matches.) I was extremely reluctant to ship Johnlock in the beginning, on my first (casual-ass) viewing of the series I assumed it was just another heteronormative bros being bros show. Once I entered the fandom community however, encouraged to rewatch the show using critical thinking, the queer subtext became blazingly clear. I loved seeing how many LGBT+ young people were given something that felt validating and uplifting, something that gave them an escape from the shit they had to deal with from a society that saw them as second class citizens. The prospect of such an iconic literary character getting an explicitly queer, MAINSTREAM adaption became very exciting - not because OOH YAOI WA KAWAII DESU YO, but because regular heterosexual viewers would suddenly realise that they were championing a gay hero and a same sex love story. Anyone who thinks popular media is unimportant is an idiot. Cameron and Mitchell Pritchett were a uniting factor for Americans on different cultural poles, and arguably helped influence the legalising of same sex mariage at a federal level. Sherlock’s popularity is international and undeniable. Imagine the good it could have done to have let him love his Watson. I have no doubt that the world would have been just a little bit kinder and more accepting of LGBT+ people. 

Okay, so Mofftiss are LGBT+ positive. Gatiss has gone on record saying that if he could create a detective show in which the hero solves crimes by day and goes home to his husband at night, he will feel he has achieved something. Presumably for all the above reasons.

And people wonder why we are so angry?